back on the road again...

Friday, January 07, 2011

This post shall be kind of a new year's resolution thing. I won't be listing down my resolutions, but I'll just share my thoughts on this brand new year.

Honestly, this year scares the hell out of me. There will be huge important life decisions that I have to make, milestones to accomplish and so much more I have to do to be a proper grown up.

What scares me the most is that I will be graduating in a few months time, and I got to go out there and make a living. I got to find myself a PERMANENT job, which really scares me, because I'm not very sure if lifesciences research is all I want to do for the rest of my life. I do have another way out, which is to get a cosmetology diploma and be a pro makeup artist. But I won't have my parents' support for this. Really in a dilemma. Right now, my passion for makeup overrides my love for lifesciences. One is a PASSION, one is a love. Both are different, now I realised. Passion is where you just want to eat everything that is related to that thing, up! It's like you can't get enough of it at any one time, where you wish you could breathe, eat, sleep the same thing, and perhaps even bathe in it! Love is not as 'fiery'. It's like something you can't live without, you can't imagne your life without it, but if it disappears, you can find a way to survive. It may take years, but you'll live, you won't die without it. That's the difference, I feel.

And I think my final year project is going to help me find out what I want in life. I will be attached to SERI, as most people know already. It's going to be a tough semester, where everyday is 8.30am to 6pm, where I will end up eating, breathing, sleeping and bathing in eye research. This is what is going to tell me if I'm cut out for research or not. And I'm so scared I'll hate it so much that I'll just give up on research work after this. I do want to do well first of course. Sigh. FYP will also tell me if I can survive a full time job life. I will need to juggle relationships, friendships, exercise, shopping, work. Argh. So much to do, but so little time. I just hope I'm resilient enough to cope.

Talking about relationships, I have to admit mine needs to be worked on. Hope I don't get too stressed out.

10:26 PM